Forget the Lunch Box, What are Mom and Dad Eating?

Like parents everywhere I dreaded a few things that the beginning of the school year brings - like rushing out the door in the mornings. Like sending your almost 6-year-old to her room to put her clothes on (nicely laid out!) and checking back a few minutes later to find her playing soccer. In her underpants. I also dreaded the daily lunch box blues.

What to pack, what to pack. I am, amazingly, blessed with a child who will eat peanut butter sandwiches every DAY. She doesn't even want the jelly spread on, and you don't have to cut off the crusts - just spread that peanut butter. So you can understand why I felt like crying when I got to the door of her new Kindergarten classroom and saw this notice: "This is a NUT FREE classroom." I had the new lunch box, the reusable sandwich wrapper/bag, a brand new, chic, recycled plastic ice pack. I was ready - but the thought of having to come up with something every day besides our old standby, peanut butter, made me weak in the knees.

A few days later, however, there was an email from our class parent bringing wondrous news: the nut free rule was a mistake. I actually got up from my desk and did a dance, singing, to the delight of my kid, a song about how much I love peanut butter. I see the sandwich as the main course of lunch - if I have that figured out, it's not a problem to add to that - an organic milk, some sliced carrots, a piece of fruit, done.

But this is not actually a post about what our kids are eating. This is a post about what we, their hard-working parents, are eating. My own routine is to walk out the door with a travel mug of coffee for the trek to school. Afterwards I usually clutch it for an hour or more, slowly sipping while I get started with work. Eventually I will stop and grab something to eat - a piece of toast maybe. Sometimes a banana. Lunch is a similar game of grab and go - usually yogurt with granola. I just don't make time for a proper lunch or breakfast. If the kid hits a "witching hour" of being tired and cranky, I don't think my not eating a real lunch before I pick her up from school is helping my own state of mind.

I'm afraid it may be worse for my husband, because I at least have access to a full kitchen and can heat up some leftover soup or make something healthy if the mood strikes me. My husband often - too often - takes a frozen meal with him to work. It's not something I feel good about.

I often think about packing him a nice lunch too, but usually all I can manage is to wash him any extra fruit that we have on hand and encourage him to take it with him.

Maybe we should think about packing lunch together, just like we make eating dinner together a priority in our house. Either way, three squares a day is important for mom and dad too, and I'm gonna try to do a better job of that - even if it means I have to steal my daughter's cheese sticks.

Back to School, or Through the Cracks?

Last week I had the opportunity to attend the BlogHer conference, the largest gathering of women bloggers in the world. The event kicked off for me the night before the meeting with an invite to a private party at a champagne bar called Flute. I got to hang out with friends from the Yahoo! Motherboard group I am a part of, sip bubbly, and meet a bunch of other fantastic, inspiring women.

I was feeling pretty good about things, and looking forward to the conference as I walked down Broadway towards the Port Authority and a bus home. That's when I saw them - a young mother, sitting on the cement sidewalk outside McDonald's. She was cradling an infant in her arms, maybe 5 months old, while her three year old son stood at her side. I passed them, stopped, and swung around, frozen in place.

Could this possibly be an exhausted tourist, or was this what I thought it was? A woman begging on the street. Her son held a folded piece of cardboard in his hand, most likely the sign they had been holding up only moments before I'd happened along.

It turns out I wasn't the only one watching them. Outside McDonald's the Street Talk folks were, ironically, collecting money for the homeless. I spoke to two of the men who were there. (Street Talk provides income to impoverished and transient people who sell Street Talk newspapers.) They had taken money out of the collection so the woman could bring her kids inside McDonald's and get something to eat. I chipped in.

One of the workers told me the mom was not exactly homeless; she had a cousin's place to crash at, but nothing more. Obviously the cousin was not able to provide more than a place to sleep at night, and who knows for how long. The Street Talk vendors were hoping they might be able to get this woman a gig with their group, but even if she took her baby along with her, what would her 3 year old do all day? There are programs aimed at getting (and keeping) homeless kids in school, but preschool? What options would this woman have? What had happened to her?

As summer's long days begin to wind down, I've found myself anticipating a regular schedule descending on our home, the beginning of Kindergarten, a new school, the hopes I have that my daughter will have a great year in an institution that will nurture her. I've also been looking forward to buying her a new backpack and taking a short family vacation before September.

It's been a rough summer here, but seeing this woman with her kids put things in perspective for me. And I can't stop wondering about what happens to homeless kids like the ones I saw on the street that night. The Coalition for the Homeless says that there are 15,000 homeless children in New York City. From August 23 to September 17 the Coalition runs a project to raise money for these children. The donations go towards buying new backpacks and supplies for homeless children. You can donate here.

The number 15,000 keeps reverberating in my head. Homeless children have a harder time making it in school, but some of them persevere. While writing and researching this post, I came across this story in the Daily News about a young man who, despite amazing odds stacked against him, will be going to a community college in upstate New York this fall. I was shocked to find out he'll be attending classes in the rural community where I used to be a reporter and where a fellow journalist and dear friend now teaches. It is a large and vast world and it is one in which each connection can make a difference.

I emailed my girlfriend so she can be on the lookout for this incoming freshman this fall. It's a small institution, so the chances are she will probably meet him. The chances that I will see that young mother again are infinitesimal, but I can't stop thinking about her.

A Week in the Woods

I had dreamed that this summer our daughter would spend more time in nature, and less time in the steamy city. It hasn't quite worked out that way, but the Tenafly Nature Center offered a nice respite in the middle of this hot July.

I'd been dreaming of sending my kid here, and staying with my sister in the hip little town of Rosendale, where she lives. But work and family commitments meant we couldn't swing it, even after they called to say there was a spot for us (we'd been lingering on the wait list for weeks.)

So, off to Tenafly it was. We're big fans of the Nature Center for their family-friendly programming and trails. This was the first time we'd tried the camp however. The program is divided into week-long sessions and split up by age groups.

The kids started the week with a bang, tromping around in the woods, tie-dying fantastic T-shirts (complete with a quote by Edna St. Vincent Milay on the back) and making their own clay. During the week they also studied animals, including snakes, turtles, frogs and various insects. They collected leaves and nuts and twigs. Another day was devoted to fungi, and found them looking for mushrooms, examining lichen and doing some sort of experiment with yeast.

Trekking up there everyday from Jersey City however was a bit much on mom. A friend who also has a five year old attended the program too, so we split the driving, drop-offs and pickups. which helped a lot. But the last day the kids went to Van Saun County Park in Paramus to the zoo there, and there's nothing like Route 17 on a Friday afternoon to make me wish I were in Maine and not New Jersey.

Also, we were warned about ticks and took it seriously. Then on the very first day my friend found a tick crawling on her son after pick up! That really kicked it into high gear for us, which meant every night found us examining of every inch of our kid's body (my husband used a flashlight to search through her hair).

I guess I had hoped the kids would come home filled with a greater sense of wonder and talk our ears off about trees and frogs (or tree frogs). But it was hot and they were exhausted by the end of the day. Still it was a good tired, and we knew that the children had been outside all day, in relative shade, doing things with their minds and bodies. Not inside. Not watching movies.

Near the end of the week there was a campfire cookout which parents were invited too. The children got to watch the fire started by their counselors and then hold long skewers over the fire cooking hot dogs. We made s'mores and also had chips and fruit. As I sat in the shade smelling the fire, I looked up at the trees and could hear the leaves rustling in the breeze. It was very relaxing, even if the Turnpike was waiting for me beyond the idyllic woods.

Mommy, what's a password?

It started simply enough. One day the munchkin is watching PBS Kids and the next thing you know, she wants to visit her favorite shows online. Which is fun, of course. (Although it means I get booted off my computer.) But then Channel 13 promoted their Kids Club, and my daughter wanted to join up.

And so I found myself helping her register online for the first time ever, for anything, and getting her a login and password. I scribbled it down on a piece of paper for her but I can't find it now. Probably because I'm not ready to. I can barely keep track of my own passwords and email accounts and logins and blah, blah, blah. I can't imagine having to help her track this, but more importantly I wonder about the future and trying to protect her online.

Now of all the places she could go, PBS Kids is probably the best. I don't feel I need to worry too much about her on their site, or what public television would do with her information. But it sets a precedent. One password begets another. And while I know that privacy is dead, especially in this country, I would like to make at least some attempt to have my kid's privacy live just a bit longer. Like at least through grade school.

Is this too much to ask?

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (a wonderful civil rights group focused on the digital world) offers this advice to parents: check out the privacy policy of anything your kids want to sign up for so you can see what kind of information is being collected. We should also educate our children "about the dangers involved in giving personal information to strangers they meet on the Net. Make sure your children don't give out personal information to people they don't know."

There is also the old advice about putting the family computer in a place where you can see what the kids are doing online. Of course, this is already outdated advice for anyone whose children have a texting obsession and a smart phone.

In the meantime, the request to go online and login seem to have fallen by the wayside here. But the issue won't go away anytime soon, I know. My brother brought home a box of Kellogg's Frosted Mini-Wheats this weekend and the box is covered with a Toy Story 3 promotional tie in. But gone are the days where you can just get a toy in the box. No, for this promotion, you needed to get a code off the box and then go on to the Kellogg's site and set up a Rewards account.

What the heck? Why can't they just put a plastic toy in the box? Or ask the kids to mail in the code? But no, better to lure them in. All the better to track you my dear.

I have already fallen for this game with Tropicana. I don't need my kid to succumb to it as well.

I Took My Child to my Anniversary Dinner

We don't eat out that much around here. (Well, we are on a first name basis at the local Chinese takeout and pizza joints, but that's not what I am talking about here!)

I'm talking about white-tablecloths-and-a-great-wine-list dining out. Last night was my ninth wedding anniversary. We decided this year to include our five year old in the festivities. Why? Well, I thought it would be nice for her and honestly, if I didn't spend a heap of money on a babysitter I could eat more lobster, right?

We went to Court Street in Hoboken, a family run affair with a bar in the front and a pleasant, unpretentious dining room in the back. Did I mention that Wednesday's are Lobsterfest?

What I didn't know is that Court Street has some of the best french fries I have had in ages. My husband and I had to restrain ourselves from gobbling them off my kid's plate. They rocked. It shouldn't be hard to find good fries, but you'd be surprised. (I love the milkshakes at Johnny Rockets and it's my daughter's favorite place, but their fries leave a lot to be desired.)

To keep the munchkin entertained I had brought along a little coloring book, and that worked for awhile. I sipped champagne, my husband had an excellent white wine from Napa and we exchanged cards. But this was a meal with several courses, so I needed something extra up my sleeve to keep the kid placid and entertained.

Enter MudPuppy. This company makes some great items, including these self contained, totally cool magnetic sticker sets. You open the metal case and inside are two background cards (reversible) on which you can design and re-design scenes with your magnet stickers. We were first introduced to these a few years ago when my daughter had surgery. Her godmother bought her a set of these magnets (the dress up dolls version) so she'd have something to keep her busy while she recovered. Since then we've toted that set all over the place - to graduations and weddings, airplane rides and long car trips. I usually keep the set hidden away, so it is somewhat of a novelty when she sees it. We've used it so much that the metal case is bent.

Now she has a new set - the Robots one. She practically screamed when she the box. And we ate in peace.

So, to sum up: Court Street has a lobster night, terrific french fries, and your anniversary CAN be shared with a five year old. Just bring along some robot friends to help.

Let the Festivals Begin

Spring seems like it might finally be underway (or maybe summer since the rain is gone and it's going up to 80 degrees today!). With the season comes lots of outdoor festival fun.

This weekend Van Vorst Park will host the Spring Festival of Children. The Saturday festival will feature music, dance, sports and art workshops, as well as a gardening tour sponsored by the very active group, Friends of Van Vorst Park.

We've spent lots of afternoons in this lovely park, which features a small sandbox (pretty rare in these parts), a few swings, a playground, lawns to run on, and gorgeous landscaping and flowers.

The park is walking distance to several nice places to grab a snack - our favorites include Made With Love and Wonder Bagels. It's also next door to the main branch of the Jersey City Public Library, which has a large, cheerful, recently revamped children's room on the first floor.

It's a great place for family fun and even features a dog run for folks with furry friends who need a place to romp. We hope to see you there. Having played in this park as a child when it was pretty run down, I think the volunteers behind Friends of Van Vorst Park are to be commended for their tireless work.

Volunteer to Stop the War

I've been thinking about volunteer work and war lately. Probably because I was near the United Nations recently for an inspiring talk on how Eleanor Roosevelt was opposed to the development of the bomb. What brought me to New York was this group, which I have worked with, off and on, for more than a decade.

How do nonprofits like this -- international, accredited U.N.-NGOs -- function? They function because members give funds to run them (from large bequests to small donations) but even more importantly, they function because of volunteers. Over the years, I have worked with scores of dedicated women who give thousands of hours to organizations like the Women's International League for Peace & Freedom, one of the oldest peace groups in the world.

You may not know it, but this month thousands of delegates from NGOs and official UN member countries have been spending time at the United Nations to review the progress of a 40-year-old treaty on Nuclear Nonproliferation (basically, an effort to stop the spread of nuclear weapons.) With Obama in the White House, the effort to slow down the development of nuclear weapons has increased, even while his administration has said they support the development of nuclear power. One of our new WILPF members was at the talk I attended; she came to New York from Georgia where she lives and is involved in a fight to stop the building of new nuclear power plants in a poverty-stricken, largely black, rural community.

Behind the scenes at the UN are groups like WILPF and Psychologists for Social Responsibility, and Women Strike for Peace, and hundreds of others. It was inspiring to be there and hear about all the work going on.

These days there are plenty of places to volunteer, and given that my sister is disabled and my mother is sick with cancer, my family itself has become a volunteer cause; we have friends watching my daughter, bringing food to the house, helping my mother cook -- you name it.

But as the world moves forward, as our government plans for an eventual withdrawal from Iraq, I keep thinking about the young men and women the US continues to send off to battle in Iraq and Afghanistan. With Memorial Day around the corner, it's a good time to think about supporting some of the volunteer organizations in this world that are working to raise the profile of peace.

Photo credit: A "Raging Granny" and WILPF member sings for peace in California. Special thanks to WILPF.